The Lifelong Quest For Sobriety…The Ultimate Hero’s Journey—Part 27

Declaration of Independence 1Guest Blogger and long-time Council friend, Bob W. presents Part 27 of a series dealing with Alcoholism and Addiction from a Mystical, Mythological Perspective, reflecting Bob’s scholarly work as a Ph.D. in mythological studies.

The United States Declaration of Independence is the basic expression of the principles, the mythic structure that is our American Nation. The “truths (held) to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights,” that “governments are instituted among men deriving their just rights (only) from the consent of the governed,” is the foundation of all that we espouse. They are the necessary bases for our way of life, despite the myriad of experiences that may happen from time to time where we fail to live up to these tenets. In the final analysis, all of our levels of government can only be successful if they are willing to fall back to these principles to resolve disputes.

However, it is my belief that the only communities of women and men that live up to these basic American principles in an almost absolute fashion are Alcoholics Anonymous and its fellow Twelve Step programs. We have no leaders, our volunteers and service personnel do not govern. Our only authority is a loving God as he may express himself through our Group Conscience.  Decisions about how our Fellowships are to proceed are made by Groups operating only with the Steps and Traditions to guide them. In times of stress and conflict, we can all fall back on our basic Steps and Traditions, and our collective commitments to sobriety, to restore order.

I consider myself an avowed American with a firm commitment to the principles of our American Founding…and living in the communities of 12 Step programs reinforces the joy I have felt since birth about living in an American world based on these principles.

Of course, the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions could not be the only things that would determine the stability of the broader societies that represent our Nation. Multi-tiered governmental systems are necessary to enact laws, prosecute and restrain the lawless, and interpret conflicting dicta that may derail societal systems. Without them, the innate chaotic tendencies of many of us could destroy us.  But we in the Fellowships seem to avoid these breakdowns by our own individual and collective commitment to sobriety.

For all of us sufferers of addiction, the similarities of our Groups to American societal systems provide for wonderful reflection on the beauty of our Fellowships.  But it is the fundamental commitment we all feel to the success of these Fellowships that is the real magic, and the one that keeps us from the occasional breakdowns in functioning that might happen in other, broader systems.

The Lifelong Quest For Sobriety…The Ultimate Hero’s Journey—Part 26

Guest Blogger and long-time Council friend, Bob W. presents Part 26 of a series dealing with Alcoholism and Addiction from a Mystical, Mythological Perspective, reflecting Bob’s scholarly work as a Ph.D. in mythological studies.

In 1773, a curate of the Church of England based in Buckinghamshire, named John Newton, wrote Amazing Grace, a spiritual hymn that is widely recognized as one of the most powerful in the World. Newton wrote this in his 48th year, but his earlier life was anything but spiritual.  He spent much of this 20’s and 30’s in virtually all aspects of the slave trade, from capture and acquisition in the interior of Africa through distribution and sales in colonial America and elsewhere.  He was also known as a uniquely rough and profane man to those who met him.

A series of events in his 30’s resulted in a profound conversion and he became a well regarded minister of the Church.  The primary words of the song are magical:

Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found.
T’was blind but now I see.

T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Grace can be defined, as per Webster, as “the favor of God,” or a “divine assistance for regeneration.”  Every time I hear this song it strikes my heart as what the process of recovery has meant to me.  For once I accepted that there was a higher power to whom I could turn over my life and be guided in my everyday activities, the fears that had ruled my life from first consciousness became manageable.

Many of us have had alcohol and addiction bottoms of horrendous magnitude, truly evil actions and intentions stretched over decades.  But think about the activities in which Newton must have trafficked…capturing whole families from ancient communities, transporting them in chains and deplorable conditions halfway around the world, and then selling them to slave masters to be used as chattel for the rest of their lives. How hard must that heart have been to make such decisions…and how beautiful that he could have been so thoroughly relieved of such a dark mantle of human depravity through the gift of grace.

…and how wonderful is it that all of us could have been blessed with the same gift of grace….

The Lifelong Quest For Sobriety…The Ultimate Hero’s Journey—Part 25

Guest Blogger and long-time Council friend, Bob W. presents Part 25 of a series dealing with Alcoholism and Addiction from a Mystical, Mythological Perspective, reflecting Bob’s scholarly work as a Ph.D. in mythological studies.

There is an Old English tale called Beowulf, set in the Early Middle Ages in Scandanavia.  It is a mythic story about a warrior of that name, called to help the Danish king Hrothgar whose palace is under attack by the monster Grendel.  Beowulf image for Bob Wagner post 25Beowulf defeats Grendel in an epic battle using only his bare hands. There is much rejoicing and celebration, but soon Grendel’s Mother hears of the death of her son and attacks the castle. This monster is much more powerful than Grendel, but, in an even more difficult battle, Beowulf finally defeats her and saves Hrothgar’s kingdom.

In this story, I am reminded that, for many of us alcoholics and addicts, our lifelong journey to Sobriety really does have two parts.  The first is getting sober, just stopping the consumption of alcohol or drugs or the high risk behavior patterns that have the same effect.  We have to stop it all completely and work with those in the Fellowships to help us achieve some semblance of a sober life that can last for more than a few days or weeks.  This first step is usually achieved with some success in a matter of months or a few years.

But like Beowulf’s second battle against Grendel’s Mother, the second part of our journey can be much, much harder.  For, after achieving that first level of sobriety, we have to deal with all those elements of ourselves that influenced and facilitated the descent into alcoholism in the first place. We must explore the deep core of who we are and what might have happened to us in our early lives to create the trauma that craved the medicating toxic substances or behaviors. These explorations might be especially difficult and not without much personal suffering.

In Beowulf, the hero must venture down into Grendel’s Mother’s lair, in a deep and dark cavern under a lake. The battle with her is particularly difficult, with much back and forth of Beowulf gaining the upper hand and then losing it. Beowulf finally wins using the monster’s own sword, but in dismembering her body and that of Grendel, this sword is dissolved by the toxic blood of the monsters.  Beowulf returns to the surface with only the hilt of the sword and the dismembered monster heads to reveal to Hrothgar and his subjects his true victory over the monsters.

For many of us, these images conjure up our own journeys down into some latent darkness and our own titanic battles with demons, core remembrances that seem like evil forces within us.  The disparate nature of these things and their ability to derail our quest for sanity and serenity can be real and present…maybe on an ongoing basis in our journeys to sobriety. Our initial victories may not seem to have the finality that is present in this epic story.

But, with the help of the Fellowships to which we attach ourselves, we learn how to deal with them day by day by day by day…and eventually we begin to take their power away.  The ultimate effect becomes much more lasting and the victories of Beowulf over Grendel and his Mother do begin to represent that of our own successes. We can eventually present the dismembered heads of our own demons to our peers in recovery with a sense of satisfaction and serenity.

 

 

Adolescent Alcohol Abuse: The Growing Problem, How to Talk to Teens About It, & What Parents Can Do to Stop It

Teens Drinking 1Guest Blog by Dr. Susan Delaney, Director of Adolescent Services at The Council on Recovery’s Center for Recovering Families

The Data Behind the Teen Alcohol Problem

Despite the overwhelming media coverage of the opioid epidemic and the drug addiction crisis, most parents are surprised to learn that alcohol is currently the drug of choice among U.S. teens aged 12 -18 years.  Once kids enter high school the usage rates increase dramatically:  In a recent study, 75% of adolescents report having had an alcoholic drink by the 12th grade.

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Dr. Susan Delaney

More than one-quarter of those said they had their first drink before age 13. A 2018 University of Michigan study indicated that 41% of teens reported alcohol use in the last 30 days and, of most concern, 3% reported daily use.

The data gets worse: Two measures of heavy alcohol use – that is having been drunk in the past 30 days and binge drinking (having had five or more drinks on one occasion) — are on the rise. In 2017, binge drinking was reported by 4% of 8th graders, 10%, of 10th graders, and 17% of 12 graders. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) reported the percentage of all adolescents aged 12 to 17 who were current alcohol users was 9.2 percent or 2.3 million teens in 2016.  About 1.2 million adolescents aged 12 to 17 were binge alcohol users, a shocking 1 in 20 adolescents.

A Problem That May Begin at Home

A disturbing, but undeniable, fact is that teenage alcohol use usually begins at home. According to the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, 76 million Americans — roughly 43 percent of the U.S. adult population — have been exposed to alcoholism in the family. There are an estimated 26.8 million children of alcoholics (COAs) in the United States and preliminary research suggests that more than 11 million of those are under the age of 18. Children of alcoholics are four times more likely than non-COAs to develop alcoholism.

Why Teens Drink

Teens are particularly vulnerable to alcohol use. Coping with the stress of fitting in and challenging transitions, such as going from middle school to high school, moving, or dealing with the effects of divorce, might influence a teen to drink. Alcohol’s saturation of popular culture and social media have created virtually irresistible attractions to drinking for teenagers, if only to experiment with it, yet much of what kids experience after trying it can influence continuing use, misuse, and abuse of alcohol. Most difficult of all, teenagers usually have trouble understanding that their actions can have harmful, or even fatal, consequences.

There are a multitude of risk factors associated with teenage alcohol use that are both complex and pervasive. These include:

  • Family problems, such as conflict or parental alcohol abuse
  • Childhood abuse or other major trauma
  • Behavioral, school or untreated mental health issues
  • Friendships with teens who drink or use other substance

The (Potentially) Terrifying Outcome

Parents concerned about their teenagers’ use of alcohol should be aware of what can happen when that use turns to misuse or abuse:

  • Alcohol-related fatalities: Alcohol-related accidents are a leading cause of teen deaths. Teen drownings, suicides and murders also have been linked with alcohol use.
  • Sexual activity: Teens who drink tend to become sexually active earlier and have sex more often than do teens who don’t drink. Teens who drink are also more likely to have unprotected sex than are teens who don’t drink.
  • School problems: Teens who drink tend to have more academic and conduct problems than do teens who don’t drink.
  • Alcoholism: People who begin drinking as young teens are more likely to develop addiction to alcohol than are people who wait until they’re adults to drink.
  • Violent crime: Teens who drink are more likely to be hurt in a violent crime, such as rape, assault or robbery.

Talking With Your Teen About Underage Drinking

You might be unsure of what to say to your teen about underage drinking, and your teen might try to dodge the conversation. To start the discussion, choose a time when you and your teen are relaxed. Don’t worry about covering everything. If you talk often, you might have a greater impact on your teen than if you only talk once.

When you talk with your teen about alcohol use, here are some useful “talking points” for an effective conversation:

  • Ask your teen what they think and how they feel about alcohol.
  • Stop the myths: Teens often think that drinking makes them popular and cool. Explain that alcohol can make you feel high but it’s a depressant that can also cause sadness and anger.
  • Discuss reasons not to drink: Explain the risks of alcohol, and appeal to your teen’s self-respect. If you have a family history of alcoholism or drinking problems, then make sure to tell them.  Explain that your teen might be more vulnerable to developing a drinking problem-The Council can help with information about alcohol and the developing brain.
  • Plan ways to handle peer pressure: Brainstorm with your teen about how to respond to when someone offers them alcohol. It might be as simple as saying, “No thanks,” “Do you have any soda?” Or even, “I can’t drink.  My parents breathalyze me when I get home.”
  • Be prepared for questions: Your teen might ask if you drank alcohol when you were underage. If you chose to drink, then share an example of a negative consequence of your drinking.

Steps Parents Can Take to Stop Teen Drinking Before It Becomes a Problem

To be sure, not all alcohol use turns into misuse or abuse, but most parents would rather stop teen drinking before it becomes a problem. Here are some steps you can take:

  • Support your teen. Help your teen build the self-esteem he or she needs to stand up to peer pressure — and live up to your expectations.
  • Know your teen’s activities. Pay attention to your teen’s plans and whereabouts. Encourage participation in supervised after-school and weekend activities.
  • Establish rules and consequences. Rules might include leaving parties where alcohol is served and not riding in a car with a driver who’s been drinking. Agree on the consequences of breaking the rules ahead of time and enforce them consistently. Also, make sure your teen knows the drinking laws.
  • Set an example. If you drink, do so only in moderation and explain to your teen why it’s OK for adults to drink responsibly. Describe the rules you follow, such as not drinking and driving. Don’t serve alcohol to anyone who’s underage.
  • Encourage healthy friendships. If your teen’s friends drink, your teen is more likely to drink, too. Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents.

Getting Help When It’s Needed

It’s never too soon to start talking to your teen about underage alcohol use. By talking now, you’ll help give your teen the guidance and support necessary to make good choices.

However, if you suspect that your teen has been drinking, talk to him or her. Enforce the consequences you’ve established. If you think your teen might have a drinking problem, you can always contact your teen’s doctor or a counselor or other health care provider who specializes in alcohol problems. Teens who have alcohol problems aren’t likely to realize it — or seek help — on their own.

Start at The Council on Recovery

Since 1946, The Council on Recovery has been Houston’s leading non-profit provider of prevention, education, treatment, and recovery services for individuals and families who are adversely affected by alcoholism, drug abuse, other addictions, and co-occurring mental health disorders. Our Adolescent Services programs at our Center for Recovering Families are designed to help teenagers and their parents face the problems of alcohol and drug abuse with effective outpatient counseling services and our Mindful Choices high-risk behavior classes. By working with the teenager and their parents, we help heal the entire family.

 

 

The Lifelong Quest For Sobriety…The Ultimate Hero’s Journey—Part 24

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Bob W.

Guest Blogger and long-time Council friend, Bob W. presents Part 24 of a series dealing with Alcoholism and Addiction from a Mystical, Mythological Perspective, reflecting Bob’s scholarly work as a Ph.D. in mythological studies.

In classical and renaissance academia, there was an idea of an Astral Plane, a spirit world above the physical that may or may not have been equated with Heaven, Hell or Purgatory. It was seen as a place of spirits, maybe the soul, where otherworldly beings existed to whom we might appeal or supplicate ourselves. It also showed up in the world of psychics and mediums in recent centuries.

In more recent times this idea has been used in various sci-fi or action hero genres, in movies like the 2016 Dr Strange, based on an action hero first created by Stan Lee of Marvel Comics in 1963.  The hero, Steven Strange, is a renowned, but massively egotistical, neurosurgeon whose hands are irreparably crippled in an automobile accident. He explores all sorts of traditional and experimental systems in an attempt to heal himself. He journeys to the far side of the world in such pursuits and is eventually transformed into a powerful mystic who is able to access and employ unusual energies and systems. His transformation process takes him to a higher plane and is much like ours in the development of our sober living ethos. The paranormal abilities he gains in his transformation now make him much less interested in his former skills as a surgeon; he is now compelled to pursue his new gifts and energies in attempts to save mankind from various cosmic dangers.

This seems to be an uncanny, if a bit weird, analogy for those of us who see our journey in sobriety leading us to much higher levels of service than we could ever have imagined in our days in the disease.  In the constant exploration of whom and what we were in our disease and who and what we are in recovery, we begin to discover the core, the soul of our most authentic inner selves. We are naturally drawn to explore ways to be of service to everyone and everything, in everyday simple and massively expansive ways.

We see that, in carrying the message, in working to help others, in gaining a sense of the profound meaning of service to the cosmos, we are able to move to a plane of existence that is truly glorious. We now live a good part of our lives on a very real and present Astral Plane.

A Fundraiser’s Perspective on the Value of Donor Trust

Donor Handshake

Guest Blog by Judy Johnson, Director of Development, The Council on Recovery

At a charitable event recently, I was visiting with other guests when the topic of careers came up. I shared that I was in fundraising, and her reaction was immediate, “How can donors know who to trust anymore?”

Judy Johnson Headshot
Judy Johnson

As both a fundraiser and a donor, this question is of particular importance to me, and – admittedly – I’ll take any opportunity to share my passion and perspective on philanthropy. In my view, philanthropy is about connection. The decision to give is deeply personal, and whether we give twenty dollars or twenty thousand dollars, our gifts symbolize our support of and belief in an organization’s mission. We want to know our gift makes a difference and that our hard-earned dollars, once given, are wisely used to advance a shared goal. Continue reading “A Fundraiser’s Perspective on the Value of Donor Trust” →